Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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