i already hear my dad disowning me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
