My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
