he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
