dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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