I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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