He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
