He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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