first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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