My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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