well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
