I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
