and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
