found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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