Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sex in a hospital.. check
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
