I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
