I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
