ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
