I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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