due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
