I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
