Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
