I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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