sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
