Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
