he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
