i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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