My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
