i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
