I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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