Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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