True but thats because hes a fetus.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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