we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
