whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
