One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
