I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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