You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
