Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
