do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
