your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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