I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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