Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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