Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
