Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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