You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
