Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
