Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
