So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
