I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
