I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well you can't waste a boner
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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