like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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