i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
