My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
