I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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