I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
