Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
