You're completely useless in the revolution.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
