didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
