Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
