dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
