420 ftw
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
