She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
