When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
