Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
