I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
