Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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