They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
there is puke in my bra ... again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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