Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
