This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
farters have to be the big spoon...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
