Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
