I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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