Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize