whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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