Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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