your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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