I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
