Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
