I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
