8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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