I want to make a zoo with you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
