like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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