Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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