If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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