Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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