Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
