did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
