I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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