I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My cat gives me a boner
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
