Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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